Understand that events don't upset you; your beliefs about them do.
Why We Often Feel Stuck In Negative Emotions
Many people struggle with sudden frustration, anxiety, or even sadness that seems to appear out of nowhere.
We blame the event itself, like a harsh comment from a boss or a friend not replying to a message. But in reality, the root of our emotions is not the event. It is how we interpret it. If we can manage these interpretations, we can better manage our emotions and actions.
What is the ABC Model
The ABC Model is part of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), created by psychologist Albert Ellis in the 1950s.
Ellis believed that people are not disturbed by events themselves, but by their beliefs about those events. He called this process the ABC Theory of Emotion.
This model is now widely used in psychology, coaching, and personal improvement because it gives a practical tool to identify and change unhelpful thinking.
Core Concept of ABC Model
The ABC framework shows that:
A - Activating Event
The situation that happens. It's only the trigger and it can be neutral or even random. Whatever the result is, one thing is obvious: it can not be changed.
B- Belief
The thoughts or assumptions we hold about the event.
It's the critical factor, because this is the only thing we can control.
A rational belief leads to healthy emotional responses, while an irrational belief creates stress, anger, or despair.
Common irrational beliefs often fall into three types:
| Type | Definition | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Absolutism | Demanding that things must go our way | "I must win" or "Everyone must like me" |
| Overgeneralization | Judging yourself or others based on one event | "I failed once, so I am useless" |
| Catastrophizing | Assuming the worst possible outcome | "If I get criticized, I cannot survive it" |
C - Consequence
The consequence is how we feel and act. Change the belief, and the consequence changes too.
By recognizing these patterns, we see that our emotions are not fixed. They are shaped by how we think.
So far, you can see that the ABC Model is a simple and practical way to break free from negative emotions. Still, I know it’s hard to follow any method when you feel really low.
If there’s only one thing to remember from this post, let it be this:
The real task is not managing emotions, but managing the irrational beliefs that drive them.
How to apply the ABC Model in real life
Imagine you ask a colleague for help and they say no.
If your belief is “People should always help me,” the result might be anger.
If your belief is “Everyone has the right to refuse,” the result is calm acceptance.
Another case: you hear that all your friends are getting married while you are still single.
If your belief is “Not being married means I am a failure,” you feel lonely and unworthy.
If your belief is “Marriage is not equal to value, I just need to love myself,” you feel confident.
In both examples, the event is the same, but the beliefs create very different outcomes.
Practical Tips
- Trace back the emotion – when you feel upset, identify the event that triggered it.
- Spot the belief – write down what you told yourself about that event.
- Question it – ask, is this belief based on facts? Could there be another explanation?
- Replace it – create a rational belief that is balanced and helpful.
- Practice often – the more you challenge irrational thinking, the easier it becomes.
When to Use This Framework
- Conflict Resolution: When you feel disproportionate anger and realize it is driven by rigid "should" beliefs.
- Rejection: When a single failure or refusal turns into global self-judgment or hopelessness.
- Stress Overload: When you interpret normal pressure as catastrophic or unbearable.
Takeaway
The ABC Model shows that emotions are not caused by events, but by the beliefs attached to them.
When beliefs are rigid or irrational, emotional suffering becomes inevitable. By identifying and replacing these beliefs, emotional reactions naturally soften.
Emotional control begins with cognitive clarity, not emotional suppression.
